Can You Fail Without Being A Failure?

It is difficult in our society to admit defeat. Most of us wish we could be the best at multiple tasks, much less one skill. But we all cannot be the "best". More importantly, why does our culture entice us to do more, be more, have more?

As my eight year old plays a video game against my husband, I hear her scream, "yeah, I lost again!" Hum. I'm not quite sure if I should ask her what this is all about. Why is she saying she is glad to have lost? Why is she hiding her true emotions? Does she have low self-esteem to act out in this way?

But I don't say anything because I realize the situation is making me feel funny. I am confused and something is being touched deep inside of me. I am being internally triggered.

As parents, we are constantly transferring our emotions, prejudices, fears and frameworks onto our kids. I have a deep fear of failing. Can I fail and not be a failure? I have always been told to do my best, be my best. My best has rarely been THE best.

In the past years I have found security in trying new things when I do them with my daughter. I learn violin with her and sound like a cat that is almost able to sing. I improve slowly. I have fun. I am not the best by anyone's standards. I use the excuse of teaching my daughter it is okay to look silly. It gives me the confidence to look silly for a deeper purpose. Why can't I just look silly on my own?

I recently started racing bikes. I love riding my bike. I like competition because it gives me goals and a framework to exist within. I have fun on my bike, riding with others, trying to be fast. I am never the fastest. It is still fun.

I am learning to fail. In my career, would it be exciting to be the best? What would that mean? Can their be a BEST acupuncturist? Does my profession really allow for that kind label? The premiere acupuncture clinic? I do my work to help people along their way. Reduce pain, increase wellness, and at the medicines best - people transform their lives and themselves into something more satisfying to them. They find a deeper contentment. Happiness.

If I take the fear of failure out of my life - out of my parenting, out of my marriage, out of my career - I feel free. I feel free to be me, to accept myself as I am. Radical self-acceptance. There is no jealousy, envy, wishing I was more or had more. Just me being me with others being themselves on this journey.

I can flourish as I fail - delighting in the movement and the moment. I am putting myself out there in new situations and gaining courage through the strengths I find.